The Weight of Water

"Tara" (allen asks)? "Yeah...?!?!!"  "Do you want some more water?"
"Does it look like I want any more water?"   "What are you talking about? I just thought I would get you some more if you wanted it..."

Now.. looking back at this conversation, it seems that I got a little bitchy. SO WHAT. Seriously... I don't know how much more water I can force myself to drink. But, herein lies the problem. If I didn't drink so much water, I would be really really hungry. Every time I want popcorn, or other various snacks.. I grab a glass. I have added tea, coffee, stevia, sweet n low, green tea, lemon juice, smashed up strawberries, ice cubes and cucumbers. I am afraid what my next step will be.

I am constantly scheming ways to make water taste better... I think what it needs is a big cookie, twix bar, popcorn, m&m's, pasta and vodka. A little tiny bit of water and a lot of all these things should do the trick.

My bladder is working overtime, I am waiting to see what my next water bill is going to be from all the toilet flushing going on, and let us not forget to mention: If I sit on a wet toilet seat ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO HURT (him) SOMEONE.

I just stopped typing the last paragraph to fill my water glass because re-reading the word TWIX above made me hungry.

So, with all that being said, I am going let Allen get me all the water he is willing to and I will slam my glasses of water because one thing is for sure, all this water is in some miraculous way making me skinnier.. And, so is my conviction to follow this through. This is just one more adjustment I am making in my life. It is all water under the bridge and I cannot wait to finally cross it.

Popcorn. Seriously??!!

My lovely family decided to make 2 HUGE bowls of popcorn while watching American Idol last night and then proceeded to eat it right next to me on the couch. Seriously kids, this is taking your life into your own hands. I was on the edge b/c I was so PMS-y and not to mention I was sooooooo f***ing hungry!!!! OMG!!! Are you new to this house and not aware of how psycho Mom is right before "that time"? I literally got up and went in the bathroom and sprayed air freshener until I couldn't smell the popcorn any more. Thanks for the support jackasses!
To add to my torture, the girls want to go to see "soul surfer" tomorrow so I can be smacked in the face with the sweet aroma of buttery popcorn AGAIN! I may pack some febreze in my pocket. Please pray for me that I don't end up on the news b/c I lost my mind and dove into the giant popcorn maker at the theater......

good news/bad news

Here's the good news - we are 1/2 way done!!
Here's the bad news - we are only 1/2 way done...

The lesson for me today is to find the glass half full. Instead of thinking about the bad, like what I can't eat or do (drink wine, go out to eat)I am choosing to think about the good, like what I can do! (wear smaller clothes, be more active with the kiddies,) It is helping me tremendously to have a better attitude and not flip out on my family. I am so PMS-y and would die for chocolate right now. I feared I might end up on the news in some surveillance camera footage shoplifting chocolate Easter bunnies last night. I had a a pity party for myself and then a little chat and decided that all of this sacrifice we are making is worth it. I have made it this far, I am not giving up. And besides, we are 1/2 way done. See I am positive!! Plus I really need a pedicure!

I hope you are all finding your ways to stay motivated and on task. I know the main reason I made it this far is b/c of all of you!

At a Snail's Pace

This week has been really weird for me.  The days seem to fly by, but at night I get discouraged, think about all the food I want to eat and can't, and then watch the clock hoping I can go to bed soon so I don't have to think about it anymore.  I pretty much hate my day after 7pm.  Then on the flip side, I wake up in the morning, I am not hungry, and I stay busy.  The distractions of the day seem to help make this diet feel more like a positive change and not a restriction. 

All in all, the diet is slowing down to about a pound a day and I think it is slowing my excitement, too.  Not my determination, just my motivation.  I know, I know.  A pound a day is still good, but for some reason it doesn't feel like it.  I find myself looking at the calendar thinking, "Ok, you can do this.  Only 14 more days." 

Lucky for me, it is morning, the sun is shining and I am, once again, in a more positive mood.  Off to TJ Maxx - I just have to force myself to ignore the clothes section.  Can I tell you how excited I am to be done with this just so I can buy some new clothes?!?!

Fresh Air

My windows are open and my house is filling with fresh air. I have a pot of coffee brewing. I can hear the water dripping delicious drip by delicious drip. I have my iTunes blasting and it is just me here, sitting in the middle of a mess. The upstairs is clean, girls drawers have been cleared out, purged, washed and re-stocked with clothes for warmer weather. My bedroom is next. My closet it after that. But, I am saving that for another day. I am saving that for the moment I can look at the clothes hanging in there and say (to most of them) I don't need you anymore. I don't need the baggy tops that hide my "toubled" areas. I don't need the skirts from 2001 (when I met Allen) that are too short, even if I do fit in them again. But I am not ready to do that, just yet.

That's the trouble with the truth, isn't it? Truth hurts. It means you bear your soul, you open yourself up and let the sun shine in. You dust off the dirt that has been cluttering and stocking up on your sills, shelves and bones. The trouble with the truth is that once you face it , you have just created a sh*%load of work for yourself! Because now, as I am shedding these pounds and feelings, I want my house and everything else to match. So this mess I am surrounding myself in is everything that has made its way from upstairs.

I have been feeling lighter this week. (Besides moments of hormonal rage). I have been lifted up by my friends, breakthroughs in Allen and the fact that Spring is finally showing it's face is helping too.

I don't feel like I am dieting anymore. I feel like I am eating like I am supposed to and not worried about what I am making to eat. Each and everyday this process is getting smoother and more manageable. I fear Tina's revelations are true: This is the easiest part. It maybe all uphill from here, but there is definitely a better view from the top.

Recipes

Hi Girls - I am not sure how to post a website like Rebekah did but I wanted to share one that I found some great recipes on . HcG1234. My 2 faves are the Apple Cookies and the Lemon or Strawberry Ice Cubes. Hope it helps your sweet tooth! It did mine! Happy Humpday!

SUNSHINE!

I was a little desperate for some sunshine today so I bundled up with a warm sweatshirt and blankie and put on my fave slippers(thanks Tara) and sat on the deck for an hour! It felt so good soak it in that I actually dozed off for a bit. This is what I decided in my fuzzy, buzzy, dreamy state.....I KNOW this is going to get easier! I feel like God has sent Spring just for me this year! I am breaking out of my long hibernation and emerging into the sunshine. I can almost feel the warmer days ahead of us and I am imagining me playing with my kids and not hanging out on the sidelines. I am actually looking forward to a few events we have planned and not dreading the whole "oh god what should I wear?" scenario I seem to go through every time I have to dress up.
Every time I follow through on my water, meal plan, or vitamins, I feel like I am taking one step closer to that person I want to be. Thanks to all of you for awakening me and kicking my ass in the right direction! I didn't really know what I was getting into when Tara told me about this HcG but I am so happy I jumped in with both feet.